There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
