Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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