A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
