She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
