she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
did i walk over a car last night?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
