I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
