farters have to be the big spoon...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
