I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
