i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize