i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
