have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
