i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
