so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
