i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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