How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
