ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
