He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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