My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
