Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
