In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
