planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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