my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
