I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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