Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
