He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
