things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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