Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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