so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
