my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
