you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
