I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
