first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
