This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
