well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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