Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
