And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
