I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
