Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You don't make any sense
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