hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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