every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
