if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
