my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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