I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
