sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can't put those talents on a resume
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
