Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize