I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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