we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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