i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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