They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
