The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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