You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
