Ambien. No doubt about it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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