Banned from zoo.
Again?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
