dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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