I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
