I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Im part way to drunk.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
