You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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