Non-Jews are for practice
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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