The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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