We're facebook friends in real life
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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