I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
